I Chose Not to be Depressed

Depression is a word that is very harsh on the tip of our tongues. It’s a word that causes many red flags to begin to wave around as if something is wrong with you. Depression is a thing that many people experience, but no one wants to admit that they’re struggling with it. Whether it’s minuscule or grand, depression tries to creep in the hearts of every single one of us at some point or another.

I have just exited a season in my life that was very challenging for me. A season that tested every word that I have ever spoken about God. Last year, I launched this incredible ministry, Church Girlz, and pictured how I would see the blessings of God fall upon me. Instead, as the launch date quickly approached it seemed like everything began to fall apart and I spent the next 11 months trying to piece it back together.

Through a series of ridiculous events, I found myself without a job. At first I wasn’t concerned about it because one thing I always knew how to do was get a job. But this time was different, I wasn't landing anything. After a while I knew by the end of the summer God would surely send me a great opportunity. Yet, September approached and I still was getting rejection letters from the Human Resource Departments of different companies. Out of desperation, I began to apply to retail mall jobs as they geared up for the holiday season. I went on a few interviews and they made it seem like it was an automatic that I had the job, and then rejected me. A few places didn't even bother to contact me, and in my attempts to follow up they would ignore me.

I felt so stuck. I felt helpless. I felt insecure. Every time the end of the month would come, I would go into random anxiety attacks out of fear of how I would pay my rent. I didn't want anyone to know what was going on, which almost lead me to isolation.

Isolation is where the enemy thrives. Whenever he can get you alone, in your own thoughts without any accountability he knows your like a sitting duck. And one of the first things he tries to do is introduce you to is his friend called depression.

Here’s how it would work; he’d feed me all of these ridiculous lies about myself or my situation. Then he began to have me asking a lot of doubt-filled questions such as “What if I don't get a job?” “How long will this go on?” “What am I doing wrong for God not to bless me?” “God, where are you?”

Those questions made me doubt in the very word I try to teach to others. Which then made me feel unqualified to write a blog or record a video. How can I share the word of God, if I’m having a hard time standing on it? Which is the perfect combination for the enemy to creep in.

I didn't feel my best because I was without a job and broke. I would tell myself that I should use this time to poor into Church Girlz, but the weight of my situation caused me to be paralyzed getting nothing done. Therefore, it’s only “natural” to feel a bit depressed. Right?

Wrong. Although it was difficult and at times I felt a bit lost, I knew that I couldn't allow the enemy to setup camp in my heart. I knew that if I passively allowed him to do what he wanted to do, I would no longer be effective to pursue the purpose God had for me. I knew it would be more difficult for me to get up again if I sat down and gave up, than it was for me to continue to walk through the valley. I knew it would be more difficult for me to be freed from depression, than it was for me to reject it in the moment.

So I decided that I wasn't going to receive depression.

Depression is something that you have to receive and take on; it’s not forced on you.

(Excluding individuals who have a real medical issue in their brain that causes depression. But, God can heal you too!)

If we want to be technical, it’s actually a demonic spirit that tries to attach itself to you. When you truly understand what it really is, and what is really trying to take place in the spiritual realm; you won’t allow yourself to receive it.

So with this knowledge that depression isn't just a feeling, but an unclean spirit; I was then able to use wisdom so that I could reject that spirit.

During that time I could literally discern when depression was trying to get in. It would usually be when I spent the last few days focusing so much on my issue instead of the promises of God.

I could sense this spirit knocking at the door as if I called for it when I was complaining and doubting God’s word. Every time I could sense that knock I would know who it was and what it wanted. So I wouldn't open door and yelled from other side that it wasn't welcomed.

When it heard my cries out to God, it knew it wasn't allowed in. When I would put on a garment of praise for a spirit of heaviness, depression knew it had to go. Anytime, that I spoke the word of God, it would stop knocking. The issue was that, every few weeks when I would begin to panic about my situation again, depression would try to make another appearance outside of my door trying to convince me to let it in.

I got to the point where I knew that I had to get out of this cycle. I knew that if depression was trying to creep in that I was doing something to continually attract it to me. I knew that I had to stand in who God has called me to be and finally take authority over my mind, my will, and my emotions. I spent too much time entertaining depression just enough for it not to come inside, and not enough time walking in the authority of God so that depression would be so terrified it wouldn't dare knock on my door again.

So I made a decision that even if my situation doesn't change immediately, I was going to have joy and peace while learning Paul’s secret to life of being content in any situation.

It wasn't easy making a decision every day to do that when my emotions were telling me that I was sad, anxious, and afraid. I had to make a decision to say that I was thankful, blessed, anointed, called, and chosen by God. I chose to pray when I wanted to complain. I chose to praise when I wanted panic. I chose to speak up when I wanted to be alone. So every time I chose these things, I was also choosing not to be depressed.

#depression #depressed #ichosenottobedepressed #jasmineford