Why Didn't He Think I Was Good Enough?

“Why wasn’t I good enough?” This is a question most frequently asked in dating relationships. Whether it is xaexplicitly asked to one’s partner, or in the most private parts of our thoughts, this question has been internalized in far too many of us. But what causes us to ask this question? Is it because he cheated, lied, abused, or neglected you? We all know that being in a relationship that causes us to feel unwanted is unhealthy, wearing at our self-esteem. But for some odd reason, so many of us have found ourselves in a toxic relationship that took a toll on us, shifting the trajectory of our lives and our view of men, relationships, and love.

For me, it started when I was a freshman in college. I fell head over heels for a guy who I thought was a great guy. He was well spoken, handsome, and had a good family; what more could I have asked for? Little did I know that the relationship was traumatically changing my view of life.

Things started off great! He was charming. Yet, that should have raised a red flag for me as the Bible says, “charm is deceitful.” (Proverbs 31:30) But who can blame a girl? I fell for a nice smile and kind eyes that seemed to pierce into my soul. No guy had ever made me feel the way that he made me feel. I felt like I was living in a fantasy with the most perfect guy. We were always going out on dates, Face-timing, and he would go out of his way to spend time with me. I often thought to myself, he is so perfect.

I’m sure Samson felt that way when he met Delilah (Judges 16). I’m sure he thought, she was so beautiful, kind, and made him feel like a king. But, just like many of us, Samson fell head over heels for someone who made his life a living hell.

It is the same broken-record that a lot of us played when Jay-Z said, Boy meets girl, girl perfect woman. Unfortunately, everything else goes downhill from there. But we stay longer than we should, searching for that first high we had when we inhaled our first dose of deception.

In Samson's case, the deception came from Delilah when she nagged, cried, and pleaded for Samson to tell her that his strength came from his hair. I can relate to Samson, as he understood that he was set apart by God in order to “rescue Israel from the Philistines” (Judges 13:5). But instead, got caught up in a relationship that was trying to steal the very thing that God had placed inside of him to fulfill the promise on his life.

It is easy to look at Samson and say that he was being dumb and gullible. Every time Delilah asked him what made him so strong, she would try to destroy it, yet he stayed with her. But how many of you have been with someone, informed him of what hurts you, scares you, or ticks you off, and conveniently, they do the very thing that they know hurts you to your core. And after you cried, argued, or ignored him, you stayed right there hoping that things would change while pieces of who God has called you to be is being lost and forgotten about.

And then one day, we find ourselves like Samson; weak, humiliated, and locked in prison. Although it is not a physical prison, it is a prison in our minds. A prison that has us confined to the narrative that we are lacking something. The narrative that there are not any good men, or even the narrative that it is too late to fulfill the promises of God.

Later in the text it reads, “But before long, his hair began to grow back.” (Judges16:22)

Just like Samson, our hair will begin to grow back! That thing that God has promised us will be attacked, the enemy will try to steal it for his own gain, and you may have forgotten about it; but it always grows back! It does not matter if we are off track, feel defeated, or neglected because God will attempt to get us on track, fight our battles, and remind us of who we are and what He has promised us.

“God also bound himself with an oath, so that those who received the promise could be perfectly sure that he would never change his mind.” (Hebrew 6:17)

It is up to us to accept the truth, turn from our ways, and accept God’s love and grace so that we are in position to receive His promises. God is trying to get the promise to us, but most times we reject it because we are not in a place to believe. And if we do not believe, we cannot receive. The enemy would like for us to be in an unhealthy relationship so that he could distract us from what God has prepared for us. He wants us to stay in that prison, torturing us so that we do not realize that the key to getting out is within reach and all we have to do is pick them up.

After being in prison for a little while, Samson discovered that he had the keys. In order for him to see that he had the keys he first admitted that he decided to pursue Delilah without first consulting God. He owned that there were consequences to the decisions he made, that landed him in prison. Lastly, he realized that despite of all of his bad decisions, God still wanted to fulfill His promise through him.

Then Samson prayed, “Sovereign Lord, remember me again. O God, please strengthen me just one more time…” (Judges 16: 28)

In this prayer, Samson was not just asking for strength. He was declaring that God was, is, and will always be the king of all kings. He was declaring that he knows who God had called him to be. He was declaring that he is humbling himself and admits he was wrong. He was declaring that God is the only one who can give him strength. And he was declaring that he was submitting to God’s will for his life and that the battle isn't over.

“Then Samson put his hands on the two center pillars that held up the temple, pushing against them with both hands…and the temple crashed down on the Philistine rulers and all the people.” (Judges 16: 29-30)

It no longer matters what that person did to make you question yourself, the only thing that matters is that you pick up the keys so that you can walk out of prison into the promises of God.

Article Assessment

Faith: Reread Judges 16:22 What does this scripture mean to you? When your hair grows back what are you going to do differently this time? Fashion: When you do your hair this week say out of your mouth "my hair is growing back!" Share a picture of your unique hairstyles at #churchgirlz#Iamenough Fabulous: Share with us the keys you use to keep yourself from falling for the counterfeits at #churchgirlz#Iamenough

Aha Moment: Internal issues result in external problems.

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